So after the long and rough break up. After all the tears and after all the pain. We finally met. I’ve always imagined our first meeting after the break up to be meaningful. But when we met, I felt nothing. It was mundane at best. He smiled. I smiled. But it didn’t mean anything. None of it meant anything. We talked a little bit and then he left. I can’t even remember what he said to me.
I just never thought seeing you again would make me feel nothing.
S&R is now my favorite place in the world. I always get so happy whenever I’m surrounded by all my favorite treats that I don’t get to see at our local grocery stores. This has got to be my guiltiest guilty pleasure ever. And sometimes I only go all the way there for the food.
One year ago, at exactly 10:35 PM, I was about to go to sleep, when someone texted me to go online because there was a link waiting for me at facebook. After a that, there was a sudden surge of text messages that came flooding in my phone’s inbox. I didn’t mind it at first because I was too busy figuring out what I was supposed to see in facebook.
And then I saw it. At first I didn’t believe it. It was too good to be true. I read it again and again. I made sure that I wasn’t dreaming or that my mind wasn’t making things up. I called my parents to come to my room and I let them read what was posted on my wall. All I remembered was, they were screaming, they were very happy, and both of them were hugging me at the same time.
But then it finally hit me, the one thing that would validate all the hard work I did in college for the past 5 years. It was the best feeling I’ve ever felt in my entire life. Everything finally made sense. I felt like I finally have a purpose in this world. And that I finally found my place in the universe.
One year ago, I found out I passed the November 2009 Nursing Licensure Exam. I will always remember this day forever.
At work, someone asked why I’m still single. It took me a while to reply, then I simply said “I don’t know.” But then it hit me. That’s the very reason why I can’t seem to bring myself into having a relationship with anyone. It’s because I don’t know. I don’t know what I want anymore. I’ve been used to being alone for so long that I forgot how it feels to have a plus one in your life.
They say that we always look for the things that we don’t have. Same is also true with finding someone who I think is right for me. But the problem is, when I do find that someone, the thrill of the chase is over. It’s not exciting anymore. It becomes too easy. And then I don’t know what to do after that.
But then again, it’s not like blasting out I will Survive all the time can get me through the day until I die. I still want to have someone to share my life with. It’s just I’m not so sure who it should be.
Sometimes I wonder if I already blew all possible chances of having a relationship with someone. That it’s too late to try again.
But I hope I’m dead wrong.
I hate to admit it, but I am having a really hard time balancing my work and grad school. They’re two very different areas in my life and I still can’t find a way to weave everything I need to do around that. Maybe all this is just very new to me. I’m used to keeping mental notes about things that need to be done. But with all of this, and the stress that goes along with it, I can finally see why people invest on those planners that I once thought was stupid and a total waste of money. I just can’t properly deal with all of this anymore. This is all going way too fast for me. I really need to slow down and sort things out. Prioritize.
I guess this rude awakening to the real world of adult life and responsibility is what I need, especially now. The more I’m immersed in this world, the more I realize that I have so many things to accomplish. I thought graduating college and passing the board exam was my ticket out, but it’s just the beginning of a whole new hurdle to get over. And on top of work and finishing grad school, I have to think about options for my career path—getting work experience on other hospitals, review for NC-LEX, IELTS and CGFNS, among others. It’s just too much to take in all at once. I just hope I get this sorted out soon. I really need to get it together. Nursing ain’t easy.
- These surprising turn of events, are surprising!
- I should have given Sia’s Clap Your Hands a chance last month. I listened to it 2 days ago and I am absolutely in love with it. Could have raved about her sooner.
- Being told by someone that they really like you is the best feeling in the world. Trust me, I know.
- The Swedish House Mafia is my new favorite, group/band/DJs. I wanna know your name, name, name…
- I really love this Sunday’s Second Reading. Maybe it’s just me, but I think it is a clear example about how the Bible teaches us about equality. “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”
- We ordered a Grilled Chicken Rizal Salad at Ilaputi because it’s Jose Rizal’s birthday today.
- Ila Puti is now on my Top 5 favorite restaurants here in Metro Cebu.
- So we did have classes for my Masters today. They moved it to today just 2 days ago without properly disseminating it. So technically, I skipped classes today. Thanks a lot CNU.
- I just found out that really good food + alcohol + my mom = loads of unadulterated fun!
- Apparently, there are a lot of creative ways to store smaller boxes in a bigger box.
I’m very pleased to say that today really went according to plan. I was even ahead of schedule, and I was able to do other stuff on the side. It was really nice to finally do something very productive after days of being at home.
Today I’m officially enrolled for this semester. Finally! And I also got my PRC license. It says that I am now a duly registered professional, legally authorized to practice his/her profession with all the rights and privileges appurtenant thereto. They sure used a lot of big words. I kind of feel important and very professional. Thank you Professional Regulation Commission of the Philippines!
I got to walk around uptown Cebu. I felt very New York with all the walking along sidewalks full of busy people under the buildings. A boy can dream. After all that, I caught up with my family and we were able to hear mass today. It was a nice way to end all the errands and all the walking.
But the best part of today is, we were able to watch Toy Story 3! I don’t want to spoil anyone, but I have to say that it was worth the wait and it was a very heartwarming film. I think I almost cried at the ending. If you followed Woody and Buzz since 1995, then you have to go see this movie. Plus it’s very relatable, well at least for me. Makes me want to dig out my old toys and play with them again. Or donate them to some kid who deserves it more because I’m all grown up now. I think I may have given the ending to the movie. That’s OK, I bet no one would reads my text posts in its entirety.
Maybe I should do all of this more often. Maybe.
The funny thing about my life is that the changes that happen comes when I really least expect it. Yesterday, I was wondering what to do with my life when I will eventually graduate from my masters degree. Now, I just got word from my mom that a super awesome job offer as a (drum roll please) Staff Nurse, is waiting for me! Well, at least that’s what my papers will show when I finish my 2-year stint there. Ha!
This is a huge break in the strain of staying at home all the time. And I just feel very re-energized that I’m going back to a world that I’ve learned to love, and that I have genuinely loved over the past 5 years. It’s going to be in a whole new environment and I feel like I’m starting all over again, which is a good thing, especially with the situation I’m in right now.
Here’s to change and to my brightly lit future, I hope.
So I have a pile of stuff to do today until Friday.
I need to at least finish more than half of my non-existent report today and finish my take-home exam. It’s important that I wow everyone at class on Saturday.
That’s why I’m relying on Microsoft Visio to make my schematic diagram amazing. Knowing that my topic on The Psychopathophysiology of the Alterations in the Male Reproductive System is already entertaining, I’m going to make it even more mind blowing.
I was thinking of making a paper-mâché model of a huge penis to show my class, but it’s going to take a lot of work. I guess a 3D video hacked from Youtube will do. And I need to compile all disgusting photos of all the diseases I’ve mentioned in my schematic diagram as to entice my classmate’s and teacher’s short attention span since my report is 40 minutes long, at least.
And the most important thing I need to prepare is my outfit for that day. I’m choosing between Smart Casual and Nerd Chic. Will probably decide on that tomorrow.
It’s so funny cause my parents are asking me to make my own banner for my thanksgiving dinner tomorrow because apparently, tomorrow is my oath taking as a registered nurse.
But what’s more funny, at least for me, is that I actually have this opportunity to use Helvetica in real life. Like, real real life. Hahaha. The tarp is 6 x 2.5 feet. So it’s HUGE. And it will be splattered with all the helvitica goodness, created by yours truly.
I know it sounds stupid but, I don’t know why I feel this way about using Helvetica in real life. It’s too surreal, i guess.
PS I’ll be using the Helvetica 57 Condensed Oblique